Its been a while since we had an update. I've considered writing a few times but honestly that last hospital stay took a lot from us as a family and more so from me as the mum who has to do it all. I have been trying to post anything too negative here as I really don't want to scare off any parents reading this who are on the road to where we are. But then I was thinking today that maybe if I make it all out to be roses and sunshine then that also gives a skewed perspective. I certainly would hate for anyone to think there is something wrong if they are currently special needs parents and finding it bloody hard work.
So for anyone currently worrying about why they aren't the 'shiny happy parents' that most special needs children seem to have I would like to take some time to assure you its totally normal. (Either that or there is something wrong with me of course, which is also entirely plausible.)
To clarify. the 'shiny happy parents' are those who seem born to have special needs kids. They are always positive and smiley and loving life. No need of their child is too great a task for them and every tiny achievement of their child is seen as if their child just landed on the moon. Most days I can tolerate these people. I understand the mask they pull on to deal with the hardness of the life they face. Most days I pull on the same mask and I'm quite sure have been seen by others as shiny and happy.
But, there are other days. These are the days I want to punch the shiny happy people in their shiny happy faces. These are the people who when their baby) was 8 weeks old and they were out at playgroup telling me how easy they were finding it to cope and how they didn't understand how anyone could ever struggle to cope. These are the people who tell me enthusiastically 'it wont be long till she's running around after her brother'. It is also, the people who can sit down with my baby who has been screaming at me all day and get her to smile. (Although to be fair that last one applies to normal parents and people with no kids too. And is mostly the fault of teething than any special need Robyn has)
Some days its hard and those days the shiny people make it worse. But on those days, its ok to not be around the shiny people. Its ok to stay home and not shower and feel generally crappy. Veg out with your baby, your jammies and some cartoons. Accept that even the shiny people have days when they feel this crappy. The reason you never see that side of them is because, like you, they do crappy at home. Once you get a break do something to recharge, have a bath, a cup of tea, a glass of wine. A really long moan about that shiny happy person who seems to have it all together all the time. Then once your done, get up the next day pull back on your own shiny happy mask and get back on with your life.
And the best part is? Your child, special needs or not, won't care. In their eyes you are superwoman. Jammies or designer gear, At home or out in the world, by yourselves or surrounded by 20 other kids. You are the mummy, they love you and as long as you love them, you are the perfect mummy.